I know, I know, its been a really long time since I wrote.

I have had a lot going on from getting a new car, new wheelchair, taking a break from Beyond Therapy, time at Shepherd Pathways and not to mention, getting a dog.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention the biggest change.  Candy, my therapist that I have grown to love and who has been there since I started in Beyond Therapy, got an offer to work at a sister hospital to Shepherd out west.  This happened while I was on my break from BT.

Although the break was not what I wanted, due to lack of funding, it was necessary.  It actually turned out to be a good thing for many reasons, even because I got to go back to Shepherd Pathways.

Pathways is Shepherd's outpatient brain injury facility.  I had not been there for a really long time.  It gave me some insight into how bad I really was as I looked at other patients there who were not far from their date of injury.  I had gotten a bit burned out trying to get my life back and seeing other people like me, gave me fresh motivation.

I was really down and out about Candy leaving.  It really made me sad, but at the same time happy for her.  It was hard though not to think about how it was going to affect me and my recovery.  She had always been supportive and such an encouragement to me.  Outside of my family, she believed in me more than anyone which made me believe in myself some too.

I'm now back in Beyond Therapy thanks to some generous donations.  I'm not sure for how long so that motivates me to work that much harder.  I don't want to be like this and seeing people at Pathways lit the fire in my heart and gave me a kick in the butt to do whatever it takes.

Although I miss Candy, her replacement is good too.  She pushes me and has a new course of therapy for me to follow.  It seems that this new course and new exercises have awakened places in my body that had still been sleeping.  They kicked my butt last week, especially working on my core.  I felt my abs like I've never felt them before.  Your core is the mid section of your body, mainly your abs and back.  This is the area that I seemed to have the hardest time isolating with exercise.  I had been compensating my movements so as not to use my core outside of my comfort zone.  However, they figured me out and started a new thing with me on a gym bench, usually twice a week.

I feel like I'm on the verge of another big step in my recovery, but funding is to the point to where I don't know that I'll be able to continue past the end of the year.  How does that make me feel?  It makes me feel trapped.  It makes me feel like I take two steps forward, only to be set three steps back again.  I can't gain any ground before it's taken out from under me.

My family has been campaigning for me for years; trying to raise the funds to get and keep me in Beyond Therapy.  And now, Allison has lost her job.  She's just trying to find a job to make ends meet at the very least and Beyond Therapy is unfortunately, extra.  Although it is important, it doesn't put food on our table or pay the bills.

I feel helpless to everyone.  I feel frustrated because I can't get a job and pay for things myself.  I'm always dependent for everything from money to take care of my family to getting myself to the toilet, I'm dependent.  I feel like less than a man.  Where is my man card and how do I get it back?

I know it's the holiday season and money is low this time of year, but if it is at all possible, no amount is too small, please give if you can.  Although I hate to ask for handouts, I'm at a point where I need to, to get past this next stage in my recovery and hopefully, find my man card again.

From Allison: Danny had a lot of things going through his mind so I helped him type this post.  With his permission, I did change some sentence structure and punctuation, but these thoughts and feelings came from him alone.

The choir sang the song called I Will Rise and guess what?  I stood up by myself.  I rose.  Of course, my wife was standing on my left and mom in the pew behind me and KB on my right.  There was no way they were going to let me fall and get another brain injury.   All I know is that I heard some Pentecostal shoutin' from up in the choir and around me.  It was nice to finally stand up in church; well, to stand up anywhere other then Shepherd.  And, it felt good to stand and worship the Lord.  Yeah,yeah.  I hear ya!  It's not like the Lord cares if I'm sitting or standing, but it just felt good to be standing.

On top of all that happened in church yesterday,  I had what I think was a pretty good day at therapy today.

And totally off the subject, we got Allison a new car finally; a Ford Flex.  It's UGA colors too.  My dad, the Georgia Tech fan, was the one that pointed that out to me.

Until next time....

I only have one option; put my head down and push through it.  It's the only thing I know to do.  Because, if not, all the work I have done for the past 4 1/2 years is for nothing.  It doesn't make it any easier that I think I'm on the verge of yet another break-through.  I feel I'm almost to the point of starting to use the walker at home, not just at therapy.

While I'm sitting here writing this, my son, Corbin is sitting next to me eating breakfast.  What 4 year old boy do you know that asks to listen to Gypsy Kings?   For all of you saying "WHO IS THAT?" that is the concert I took Allison to when we were "just friends."  The crazy thing is that not only does Corbin know the group, but he also knows the words to most of their songs in Spanish.  When I see him singing and dancing to their music, it just makes me happier than I know what to do or how to explain it.  He is one of the reasons I keep going down this road; the other is my gift of a wife.  Like I'm sure Allison has said before, I just don't know why she stayed, but now I see and I think I finally grasp, if not just a little understanding why.

Shifting gears back to my recovery, you all know that super therapist named Candy?  Well, on Friday, I didn't have her on my schedule, but I've started working this hallway/tunnel that goes from Shepherd under Peachtree St. to other side.  Although Candy isn't usually there on Fridays, she was there this past one.  She jumped in on my session to the "blue carpet hallway;" a change in plans.  Did I mention that the tunnel is downhill to start then flattens out halfway through only to start climbing to get to other side?  Needless to say, it's not an easy way to cross Peachtree St. even if you are an able bodied person.  It's quite the full body workout and I say full body for me since I depend on my arms a lot still to support my upper body.  But, every time I do it, it seems to be getting a little easier.

I know this post is quite scattered like my thoughts, so that is all folks.  Do me a favor though?  If you read this, even if you don't want to make a comment, will you at least sign your name so I know people are actually reading this?  If no one reads it, than I feel it's a waste of time.  Allison assures me that people do read it, but I'm not convinced.      

I bet y'all never thought you'd hear from this bad dream of Allison's again.  But, I just thought I would write again to keep you coming back for more.

Nothing new to report from this world called reality.  Allison and I went to a Shepherd gathering the other night for these two guys headed back home; one from Wisconsin and the other from Australia.  It was nice to see which therapists came out to see them off.  It kind of gave me a clue that they're not just there for the pay check, but they build true friendships with the patients, or clients as they prefer to say.

I have an appointment with Dr. K tomorrow.   He is my neurologist at Shepherd that saw me the first time just three weeks post accident.  I don't think I could've gotten a better doctor.  He's really personable and talks to me, not Allison or my Mom; unless, of course I can't remember something.  Come on!  When do I ever need help remembering something?  Ha!

Continued....

Prior to meeting with Dr. K, Allison and I went to meet with my neuro psychologist Dr. M.  It went well.  It's interesting to me how these doctors know what I mean when I say something totally off the wall.

Well, one thing that Dr. M told me without knowing me before is that I have good problem solving skills, that I am intelligent and have good speech and language skills.  By the way, by no means is he all knowing.  I failed to mention that I went through a series of questions and problems and he was getting these impressions about  me from the tests results.  The meeting was good and bad.  I say both because there is no excuse for me going to the happy psycho place that Allison has written to you all about before.  I'm working on it though.

O.K. that's all for now.  Until next time, the Ghost 

I'd like to start by saying hello to those that know me personally and then to those who just know me through this site.  Feel free to ask me questions that you'd like me to address, but don't expect an answer quickly because I still need help with this blog thing.

As a disclaimer, I will more than likely offend some of you at some point.  So, if you don't want to risk it, don't worry about stopping here.

This is it until next time.

So, without further adieu, I'm pushing introducing my husband to the blogosphere.  Stay tuned for news from Danny!