I get tired of praying.
There. I said it.
I know it’s been quiet here. It’s not that I didn’t have anything to share or didn’t need you. I did. I do. We do.
I just haven’t had to energy to stay very positive. Just call me “Debbie Downer.”
Recently, it just feels like I’ve got the same prayer song on repeat. I set up the record player to lift up my prayer and simply walk away. I walk away cause I don’t feel it. I walk away cause it seems like it doesn’t make a difference.
Even on Pray Days.
It’s the 10th and I want to ask you to pray. I want to ask you to pray for good small things to become even bigger great things, for small improvements to make a big difference.
I want to ask you to pray because my prayers feel empty, because my prayers seem powerless and I wonder if sometimes they just fall on the deaf ear of the Lord.
I’m having a prayer pity party and you’re invited.
Lately, it feels as if life is hurling one curve ball after another. It took four months to get Danny’s new power wheelchair and that time was no walk in the park.
Danny’s increased dependence only intensified his frustration. Understandably so, but not when that frustration is taken out on the ones closest to him.
Life was looking up once we got his new wheels. He was making improvements at home in his daily living activities.
In the mornings, all I (or a caregiver) had to do was hook his shorts around his ankles and put on his shoes. He took care of all the other to-dos to get himself ready for the day.
We both felt that we were on the precipice of a big step; not needing anyone to help him out of bed, wipe his bum and help get him dressed. These improvements were huge!
Let’s remember that this man couldn’t even speak, respond on command or simply hold up his head.
We were now talking about not needing anyone to come into our home in the mornings.
We’re talking getting a part of his man-card back; this was big for Danny.
The neurologist wrote an order for outpatient occupational therapy so Danny could work specifically on being able to get his own shorts and shoes on in the morning.
Insurance approved and then Danny broke his hand.
While taking the dog out, Danny felt his chair pitching forward while going down the ramp. Instinctively, he put his left hand out to grab the railing. However, his pinky got caught and his forward momentum twisted that knuckle, breaking it and fracturing his hand.
We’ve had to postpone the occupational therapy as Danny is unable to use his hand, unable to weight bear and therefore, once again, more dependent than he was a month ago.
No walking with the walker. No transfers independently.
Two steps forward, three steps back.
I am grateful though. I am tired and empty, yet buoyed by what can only be your prayers and the strength of the Lord.
The alarm goes off in the morning and it’s the start of a new day, a new opportunity to kick the hardships of life in the teeth.
No matter what, we just keep going. What else is there to do?
Will you pray for us today? Will you pray that Danny’s hand heals quickly and he can overcome the next hurtle in front of him?
Will you pray he has remained strong, though he cannot walk right now? Will you pray he succeeds in occupational therapy and is able to be more independent?
As always, we are thankful.