All about the 10s

I know I’ve been quiet here for a bit, only posting on Pray
Days or when we’re asking for donations for Danny’s therapy.

Sounds kind of hollow; only reaching out when we need
something.

I’m hoping it doesn’t diminish our needs for they are true
and very real.

But, to be honest, I feel hollow. I struggle with the
meaning of this whole thing and wonder what the point is to what often feels
like a charade.

I go through the motions of servant hood, but my heart is
often just numb.

When
did we find You sick and nurse You to health? When did we visit You when
You were in prison? King: I tell you this:
whenever you saw a brother or sister hungry or cold, whatever you did to
the least of these, so you did to Me. Matthew 25:39,
40 (The Voice)

Is Danny a “least of these?”

There is no greater way to love than to give your life
for your friends.John 15:13 (The Voice)

Am
I giving my life?

Today is the 10th and I’m here again asking you to pray.

I didn’t ask Danny what he wanted us to pray for today. Maybe that’s kind of selfish, but to be honest, he usually says the same things.

Maybe I do too.

But, in all the 10s today, I covet your prayers for myself

I feel hollow and dry and insensitive. I go through the motions of my day, of my responsibilities trying my best to put all my heart into it.

I’m hurt. I’m tired. I am just totally over all of this.

I don’t want to be the one taking care of everything, but long to be taken care of.

I don’t want to be the cheerleader and voice of encouragement. Although the words come out of my mouth, my heart just doesn’t always carry them.

When I look at the facts, at the face of our lives, I know I should find contentment..

We
are healthy. We have a beautiful home and loving, supportive families. We have
a handful of good friends, we are blessed with world renowned therapy for Danny
and I have a wonderful, though stressful, job.

The
Lord has continuously supplied all our needs. He has continuously given Danny
progress in recovery, though as slow as molasses in winter. When I don’t know how
we’re going to make something happen financially, a way is always revealed in a
fashion I can only attribute to the Lord.

Why,
oh, why then does my soul ache for restoration?

As
I was driving into work, I debated even writing today. What was I going
to say that didn’t sound like everything else? What could I write that didn’t
sound like some spoiled child whining about how life isn’t fair?

When
I parked my car, in a space the Lord has met me before; I grabbed my Jesus
Today by Sarah Young. Maybe, just maybe, there was something in there that
would help me today, that would give me nourishment.

God
has such a sense of humor, as I turned the next page and landed on Day 10.

I’m
not joking.

Trust
Me here and now. You are in rigorous training-on an adventurous trail designed
for you alone. This path is not of your choosing, but it is My way for you. I
am doing things you can’t understand. That is why I say, “Trust Me.!”

The
jungle is thick, and you cannot clearly see what is before you, behind you, or
beside you. Cling to My hand as you follow this trail in shadowy darkness.
Although you cannot see Me, My Presence with you is rock-solid reality. Find
hope in Me, beloved, for I am taking care of you.

Focus
on enjoying Me and all that I am to you-even though your circumstances scream
for resolution. Refuse to obsess about your problems and how you are going to
fix them. Instead, affirm your trust in Me; wait hopefully in My Presence, and
watch to see what I will do.

I admit how broken I am in body and spirit,
but God is my strength, and He will be mine forever. Psalm 73:26 (The Voice)

If you’ve read this far, will you please pray for me today? Can we make it Pray Day for Alli?

As always, thank you. Thank you for your prayers, your giving, your encouragement, for coming to read here and support us for so long.

And, thank you for the grace you give me to write or not, to be transparent, angry and happy. It’s freeing.