Because I’d like to Ignore Tomorrow

Yep. Today is the day.

Another year. 365 days. 8,760 hours. 525,600 minutes.

One day, one hour, one minute at a time. We made it through.

Through what? We’re not done yet. We’re still going through.

But, let me tell you a little story. You may have heard it, but there is a small detail that I had overlooked.

As you know, Danny and I have known each other for years. We went to school together; although, Danny was one year ahead of me. We established a great friendship with a lot of flirting involved, but nothing more.

Away in California for my brother’s wedding, our relationship took a step up. I will go to my grave claiming that Danny kissed me first, as he will defend that it was me that made the first move. No matter, it was a small step that we never spoke about when we returned to the South.

I went on to graduate college the following month and Danny continued to do whatever he was doing in Georgia. When I moved home, we would go out and hang out. But still, we never talked about that kiss.

It was a Monday evening.

Danny called me and asked me what I was doing on Friday night. I automatically assumed it was a group thing until I asked him what we were doing. He told me that it was a surprise, that he was taking me out.

I remember getting off the phone and telling my mom that I thought Danny had just asked me out on a date, but I wasn’t completely sure.

Our first date was Friday, August 20th.

That Monday evening he called was August 16th.

Ironic, isn’t it?

August 16, 1999 – Danny asks me out for our first date.

August 16, 2005 – Our lives move to a parallel path with Danny’s accident.

August 16, 2011 – Six years later and our son starts Kindergarten.

August 16 and I have a love-hate relationship.

August 16 brought me the love of my life, but it also took him away from me six years later.

August 16, 2005 and my then unborn son brought me such comfort as my world was ripped out from under me.

And, today, August 16 has placed Corbin officially on the big boy path of his own life.

August 16 has given and taken away.

If I could remove it from the calendar, I would scratch it out completely or at the least, make it like February 29.

One would think that after six years, we might be used to our new life. We might see it as normal. Not happening.

I’m having a hard time coming to grips with the grief of our old life, although I’m usually the first to point out to Danny all the blessings we have.

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. We are blessed beyond.

But….

There’s always a but.

Although I like to push it out of my mind, it’s always hovering like an overbearing boss.

I don’t want my old life back. I realize that is not a possibility.

But (ha, ha), I do want some resemblance of my old life and I’m not sure that is a possibility.

Danny is not the man he once was, although I’m not the woman I was either.

We live in the parallel now. And, we have a hard time not peering over to the life we could have had.
Anyone have some spare blinders for their race horse we could borrow?

Nonetheless, my desire is for us to be a better couple, to have a better relationship and create a better home environment.

But, I don’t know how to do that. I’m not sure we know how to do that.

Danny sees life through injury goggles; everything is sifted through the injury.

I am bogged down with the have-tos of our family and rarely think of the should-dos. Where is the time?

How do we re-create an August 16, 1999 love and friendship with our August 16, 2005 changed selves?

I don’t know, but I’m thinking it has to start in me. Jesus, in me.

I’m going into battle, continuing the war.

Just call me She-Ra, going to fight for her He-Man beginning August 16, 2011.