Cha, Cha, Cha, Changes

Hello.

I’m not sure what I’m wanting to say to you.

I guess I’ll just start rambling and see where that takes me.

Changes are good sometimes.  They bring to you to new places where you can meet new people and try new things.

Other times, changes suck.  Let’s be honest.  The changes in my body after Corbin and now that I’m past the 30 year mark, aren’t so great.

But, I love my red hair.  That was a fun change.

Sometimes changes are tough, yet once your in the midst of the change or after the change is over, you realize that it was a good one.

Maybe that is where we are now.

It was our plan to keep Danny in Beyond Therapy until he walked right on out of there.  But, sometimes in order to execute plans, you have to have the money to do so.  And, we didn’t.  So, we’re taking the break from therapy, but I’m thankful that it really did come at the best time, it seems.  I’m thankful that Danny is walking with the walker with one of us.  At a minimum, he can work on walking all day long.  I’m just glad this unexpected break didn’t come before Danny could walk with one of us; when he really  needed the therapists.

Not saying he doesn’t still need physical therapy.  He does.  He still has a long way to go, but there are things he can do in the meantime to make some strides, minus a certified physical therapist.

Danny is finding that he can do it on his own and that is truly a change that is to be celebrated.

All of us find ourselves not quite up to par in certain areas of our lives.  Danny hasn’t really felt up to par in any area of his life in a long time and seeing him execute his exercise regimen and feeling good about it; well, it’s just a nice change to see him feel cautiously good about himself.

A personal feeling of accomplishment can go a long way.  I hope it takes him all the way.

I believe in him.  Our families believe in him.  His therapists believe in him.  And, I think, Danny is learning that he can believe in himself.  It’s rewarding, not just to him, but to us as well because we love him.

I’m proud of him.  I know that I write mostly about the hard parts of this journey; about the differences in my Dannys and how that translates into our new life.  But, among those realities is the reality that it’s hard to be Danny.  I’m not saying that it isn’t hard to be me, but I’m not the one sitting in the chair.  I’m not the one that is still sitting in the chair after almost three years of intensive therapy.  And, for him to keep going even though he really doesn’t have another option (cause I don’t give him one), is admirable.

He called me today from Shepherd.  He was eating lunch, feeding himself when he saw a husband having to feed his paralyzed wife.  Sometimes, gratitude slams you in the face and reminds you that it could be so much worse.  And, that is what happened to Danny today.  I’m glad it did.

Sometimes, he gets so enveloped with his own disability, that he can’t even see anyone else’s hardships.  There are times when the disability is all that has power in our lives, power that he gives it.  He tends to look through his life through foggy, black glasses with everything based on his disability.  It’s frustrating.  It hurts my feelings sometimes because I feel like we (me and Corbin) should be enough for life to not be as bad as he imagines it to be.  But, still, he only sees the disability and I hate that.

So, for him to understand for even a moment that he has it better than someone else is progress in a whole new way.

I pray for Danny’s faith; the root of his recovery.  With his faith firmly planted in the rich soil of God’s Word and His promises, Danny will be restored.  Faith will change his mind, and his mind will change his body.

There is nothing I have like the Lord.  Although I write about not feeling Him, I still know He is there.  Even though I may not hear His voice, I know He is there.  Even though, confusion and fear creeps in, I will trust Him.  For in all the earth and all of heaven, He is the only one who has never left me, nor forsaken me.  God is the rope I cling to.  I believe, Lord.  Help my unbelief.

Change in our spiritual journeys are important too. We learn things about ourselves and about the Lord that we may never have known if we weren’t stretched.

Welcome to a new chapter in the journey.  Let’s hope it’s a good one; a change that is.