Corbin was only five days old when he met his father in the hospital. Danny was still shrouded inside his coma; life in his eyes appearing periodically and then fading just as quickly.
The brain injured father is the only one Corbin has ever known.
He does not have the curse of comparison.
Yet, as he’s gotten older, there is a knowing that we are living inside our life on the parallel; our life was not supposed to be this way. Corbin knows his dad was not always injured; he was not always in a wheelchair. He knows that the order of things has been turned upside-down, that Daddy doesn’t always make sense and that he is on the same roller-coaster of a relationship with Danny that we all are.
Corbin is frustrated and confused at times; however, on the upside, there are wrestling matches and tickling fights, wedgies and big belly laughs.
One evening, on the downside when the moment didn’t make sense, Corbin snuggled in beside me on the couch, hiding his face between me and the cushion, he cried big tears. And, between heaves, he tells me,
Daddy is like a dog bone that’s been buried in the backyard. I am the dog trying to find him and I just can’t do it as much as I keep digging.
My breath caught in my chest as my mind scrambled with the right answer to his profound analogy. And, I realized in that moment, that like me, Corbin is trying to fix his dad; he’s trying to find Daddy.
There was no perfect answer.
I cried along with him and told him I understood and I attempted to convince him that it isn’t his responsibility to fix Daddy or even make him happy.
I Jesus-juked him and said we needed to keep praying for Daddy. Prayer is not a quick fix, but it was all I could offer as an action we can take to help.
I keep praying to God for him to help Daddy walk and he’s still not walking.
And, a bit more of my heart broke for him because this life seems horribly unfair. It’s unfair to him, to me and to Danny. It’s unfair to the people that love us. It seems like a robbery of a life that was supposed to be more than this. It wrenches my heart that I have no super-power to fix it for my family. I can’t bind up these wounds or take away the sadness, the loss.
Dear Jesus, Son of the Most High God, if you do not hear my prayers, please, please, please tune your ears to the ones of my son. Honor his faith so he does not turn away from it. Protect his mind from the lies that Satan might whisper in his ear; that he is not enough, that You are not enough. Please let Corbin know your Love and be able to see that relationship healthy through his relationship with his dad. Please, God, don’t let all this be for naught, don’t let go of my son. Give him grace and wisdom that is beyond comparison. Give him compassion for his father and a knowing that despite the fact that it doesn’t always make sense, Danny loves him. Release Corbin, Lord, from the burden of brain injury and give him the keys to unlock the chains that bind others. Make him a mighty servant for your kingdom and let him see your Love in me. Amen.
Corbin, instead of searching for your dad, fix your eyes on your heavenly Father. Rest in knowing that though we are not able, God is. He knows exactly where all of your daddy is and in the right time, He will bring him wholly forth. My child, your heart is beautiful and tender, just like your fathers. You are amazing and you humble me every day with your wisdom. My prayer for you today is that your ears will be open to the nudging of the Holy Spirit and your eyes will see Jesus, always Jesus. Be still, son, and know you are a worthy heritage. You are a warrior and I call you mighty. May your faith find deep water, as you find Abba Daddy.
You see, the short-lived pains of this life are creating for us an eternal glory that does not compare to anything we know here. So we do not set our sights on the things we can see with our eyes. All of that is fleeting; it will eventually fade away. Instead, we focus on the things we cannot see, which live on and on. II Corinthians 4:17-18 (The Voice)