Lisa-Jo Baker has a blog that I love to read. She has this thing on Fridays – Five Minute Friday.
You guessed it; write for five minutes straight. No editing. No re-do.
Today’s Topic: STAY
It was inevitable. When I saw today’s topic, I immediately thought of me and Danny.
It was a question I didn’t really think about at first; whether I would stay or not. As time passed on and progress was slow, I internally and silently put a time limit on my stay-two years.
But, at two years, Danny had just started in Beyond Therapy and I had a renewed sense of hope.
You never believe that it will take 7+ years. You don’t think big picture. You can’t.
One day at a time. One moment at a time. One conversation. Only one.
It’s too overwhelming to think of anything more.
People often will tell me that they can’t imagine why I stay, how I stay. I’ve even had women in faith that I respect highly, tell me that I’ve done what God had required me to do and it was alright if I left Danny. I was shocked, actually.
What am I saying if I give up? If I walk away?
Not only am I giving up on my husband, but I’m giving up on my God. I would be putting God in a box, on a time limit.
Last time I checked, God’s thoughts are not my thoughts. His knowledge is not my knowledge. His ways are not my ways and His time frame is not mine either. Who am I to say that God can’t or won’t restore?
He is Sovereign. I am not.
If I quit, Satan wins the round. I’m not a quitter.
He that is in me, is greater than he that is in the world.
He must become greater and I must become less.
We are His instruments. We are His pots.
No matter my feelings, no matter how hard it is to stay sometimes, no matter the times I want to walk away, Jesus has never walked out on us.
Sometimes it’s hard to walk this journey. Sometimes I’m so broken that I shake my fist at God and ask when it’s going to be enough. Sometimes, the brain injury can get the best of me and my mind can’t comprehend how this is for His glory.
Each and every time the thoughts of walking out begin to grow louder, God speaks-through my flip calendar, through a song on the radio, through my Joyce Meyer Daily Devotional, through my Sarah Young ‘Jesus Calling,’ God speaks specifically on marriage, love and faith.
Though the messages are often topic specific, there is a resounding ‘I’m not done yet’ from heaven.
I nod my head in obedience and He gives me the grace,the strength to stay the course.