There is a theme brewing as you’ll be able to read next.
One day in the car, with Corbin securely fastened in his booster seat, he had a meltdown of epic five-year-old proportions.
His car charger wasn’t charging his Nintendo DS. It wasn’t working. The red light was not on! Like I said, it was a catastrophic moment in his short five years. And, he screamed at me to “fix it!”
Keep in mind that I’m driving and as usual like to keep both eyes on the road and two hands on the wheel.
Fixing the charger at that moment wasn’t possible, nor was it possible since he wouldn’t give it to me at the red light.
So, we had two problems; 1. Corbin wanted me to fix it now and 2. he wouldn’t give it to me to even inspect, much less fix.
You can see where I’m heading, right?
Yes, the Holy Spirit whispered again in my ear that I sound like my five-year-old to God.
“Fix it! And, do it now! But, let me hold it. Let me carry it.”
These two wishes contradict each other. Both cannot be possible at the same time.
Like Corbin, I want this catastrophic event fixed NOW. I don’t care that there may be other things at work and that His timing is perfect. In the moment, I just want it to go back to working to my liking.
While with God, all things are possible, it doesn’t mean that all things are possible at the moment we want it to be.
God’s timing reigns supreme.
However, in order to work all things together for good we have to give it to Him to hold, to carry, to inspect and when it’s right, fix it.
I have a hard time being dependent on other people which is ironic since Danny does too. However, our viewpoints are different.
Anyway, I will often times take care of things myself because I know they’ll be done to my liking. It’s a learning process I’m working through daily.
For example, I am particular about how my dishwasher is loaded. There is, after all, one right way to do it, correct? Everything has it’s place.
Well, God love her, I did not inherit this from my mother. When Mom comes to visit, forgive me Mom, but she just kind of puts stuff wherever there might be a hole. And, as usual, when I go to put my whatever in the dishwasher, I wind up rearranging everything.
It’s simple, I know. And, in the end, the dishes get clean, but it’s just not how I would do it.
And, sometimes, like this dishwasher of a life, it’s not unfolding for us how I would do it. But, God knows and I have to trust Him that although it may not be as organized as I would want it, we all get clean in the end.
In order for my hands to be free to hold tight to Jesus, I have to place my life in His hands and give Him time to clean it, organize it and fix it.
One of my favorite songs is “Fix You” by Coldplay. I cannot help but think about Danny when I hear this song. Try as I might, I cannot fix him either.
It’s not just my life I have to place in God’s hands, but Danny’s and Corbin’s too.
But, sometimes, I just feel like I’m “stuck in reverse.”