I’m so sad today.
I don’t know any other way to describe it. There is just an overwhelming sense of sadness, of unfairness. We got a raw deal.
Ten years ago today, I married my best friend.
Looking back on our wedding day, it was glorious. But, I think about that couple and in many ways, they don’t exist.
So, it’s sad; heartbreaking really that our ten year anniversary is overshadowed by the hand we’ve been dealt.
I know we choose how to look at it, but you know as well as I do, it’s easier said than done.
Do we celebrate anyway? Sure.
Do we smile and reminisce? Absolutely.
But (always a BUT), in our hearts, we feel the brokenness, the lacking and the grief.
We try to ignore it. We try to make it through the motions of romance, gift exchanges and yummy dinners.
But, it is still the unwelcome guest in our lives.
If only we could understand the bigger picture, it might make it more bearable.
Oh, yeah. I forgot.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;” Proverbs 3:5
As usual, on my way to work, I think. I pray. I cry. I yell. I even beat the steering wheel sometimes.
God and I have several talks in the car. Well, He tends to just listen and share his sense of humor.
Today, this song came on the radio.
Hold Us Together by Matt Maher
And love will hold us together
Make us a shelter to weather the storm
And I’ll be my brother’s keeper
So the whole world would know that we’re not alone
I love Matt Maher. And, I love this song.
Today was different.
Singing this song in first person on a downer kind of day was like God waved His hand and said “hello?”
Love (God) will hold us together and make us a shelter through the storm. I will be my brother’s (Danny’s) keeper and the whole world will know that God is with us.
It doesn’t always make it easier though.
So, God laughed again when the DJs on the radio started talking about wedding proposals.
Of course, I’d already thought about Danny’s proposal this morning.
The sermon preached on the day we got engaged was based on the following scripture:
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” I John 4:18
This isn’t punishment.
God is working, to make us perfect in love.
And, God chuckled again, when I opened my daily devotional email when I got to work.
It was the same scripture reference.
Our Witness from Within
by Jon Walker
“The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.” Romans 8:15–16 (NIV)
Consider this: You are sitting in a restaurant and the atmosphere is quiet until an older man gets a bit cantankerous and his loud conversation lets negativity creep into the dining room.
But just then, Mrs. Jones and some of her friends are seated. They’re in a festive mood, laughing and hugging and even cheerfully greeting diners around their table.
It’s a party, and everyone’s invited! Their joy spills and splashes across the room, and even the cantankerous old man is now smiling and laughing.
Their energy has just changed the entire atmosphere, and it leaves you longing to be part of their group.
Mrs. Jones is a snapshot of us when we let the perfect love of God drive the fear from our lives (1 John 4:18). We live in love, which means we live in God, and God’s love is complete because he lives in us (1 John 4:16).
God’s Spirit in us testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children (Romans 8:15–16). And the joy of Jesus working within us bubbles out as an unforced testimony of God’s life in us.
Our objective-in-Jesus is to embrace God’s grace until the love and joy we experience is infectious, spreading to those around us, creating a longing within them to join our family — the family of God.
There are many things I need to let go of; expectations, control, fear.
And, many things I need to embrace more often; grace, faith, trust, Jesus love and silliness.
It’s time to lighten the load and chuckle along with God.
Happy Anniversary, Danny! Here is to another (better) ten years; a better, next chapter.
One thought on “Happy 10th Anniversary!”
Wow. . . thank you for being so transparent. Your story together is an amazing one of choice and determination. Breathe and keep going. . . you are loved then and now.