Will you forgive me?

It’s the 10th.

So I’m putting aside the 31-Day Writing Challenge and writing about something more challenging.

Brain injuries cannot be explained. Each, like a fingerprint or a snowflake, is unique. There is no research comprehensive enough to help the injured and their families understand the process and outcome of recovery.

I was in 7th grade. He was in 8th. I remember him, standing there by the door. He was smiling and laughing, with that glint in his eyes. From that moment, I began to love Danny.

He carried a tough exterior, not arrogant, but confident. He was funny and friendly. He was someone I felt comfortable around and he had a way of setting you at ease. We flirted. We teased, but we remained just good friends.

Danny had girlfriends. I had boyfriends. And, we talked about our relationships.

We’d lose touch. Live a bit of life and yet find each other again, to pick up right where we’d left off.

He made you feel special. Feel heard. Feel understood.

Danny was a loyal friend, always eager to help someone in need.

While we were dating, we were on the highway and passed a man with a blown tire on the side of the road. Danny got off at the next exit, went back up the highway to the closest exit and then turned around to go back to that lone man on the side of the road. Just to offer him a hand. To a complete stranger.

Danny valued hard work and had a ‘never give up’ attitude. He was a team player and willing to get his hands dirty to get the job done.

He loved wholeheartedly. He protected. He made me feel safe when I was around him. He was easy to be around and we rarely ever argued.

Danny liked to do things the right way the first time. He always measured twice, cut once. He put things back where they belonged and had no issue doing laundry or helping around the house. He liked order and organization, like we all do.

Danny was well-liked and easy to get along with. He either liked you or he didn’t. He didn’t like high maintenance relationships.

When we were in high school, we’d decided that if neither of us was married by 25 years of age, that we’d marry each other. I can only imagine how God laughed watching that exchange; He does have a sense of humor, doesn’t he?

Once Danny and I decided to date, I was sold. I didn’t want or need to look any further for my life partner. I wanted to be with him. I enjoyed it and somehow, he was naturally, all that I needed from a help mate. It was just who he was created to be.

Personality is rooted in your brain. The good. The bad. The brilliant. The funny. The loyal. The kindness.

Sure, those things are also taught by your environment; your parents, your neighborhood, your church, your friends.

But, the hub off all activity (biological, emotional, spiritual, intellectual) lies within our brains.

Danny’s brain got smashed on Alpharetta Highway and then got rolled over by a van.

It’s going to be different. Danny is going to be different. As much as he doesn’t want to be, as much as I don’t want him to be, as long as this journey has taken us, the reality is that his brain suffered extreme trauma.

And, so did his personality.

It comes in waves, like the ups and downs and loopty loops of a roller-coaster.

He’s up one day and down the next. He’s kind and then he’s edgy. He’s himself and then he’s not.

And, it’s all unexplainable, inconsistent and hard to prepare for, hard to forget.

My mind knows his brain is injured, but my heart still gets hurt.

Can he control it? No one knows.

Can he change his thinking? No one can tell me.

Can he realize what he’s doing, saying, behaving? No one can predict or explain it away.

No one, but the One who created his brain, his personality. The One who ordained our marriage and holds the plans.

Today is Pray Day for Danny.

I’ve asked Danny what he’d like you all to pray about for today (this month).

He has asked that you again, like September, pray for his attitude. He’s frustrated, which is completely understandable. However, he’s acting in that frustration, living in it, marinating in it and it’s hurting the people around him.

This is completely contrary to who he was, who I married. I hope I’m not painting a landscape of blacks and grays.  Danny is not always like this.  There are times when he is that guy I married.  There are times that he goes out of his way to do something to help me or surprise me. It’s just hard to know who I’m coming home to.

So, he’s also asked that you pray for me. I could really use it. Between life, work and circumstances, this warrior princess is quite weary.

“He gives strength to the weary, And to him who lacks might He increases power.” Isaiah 40:29

Thank you for your prayers.