We’ve been talking publicly about our #bigthreeof2016 since January, but the dreams have been simmering in our hearts for much longer. Of course, we’ve wanted Danny to walk again since Day One and the dream to write and share our story has unfolded as we’ve lived it, but a house?
Ten years ago, with Danny lying in a hospital bed in his parent’s living room unable to eat, speak or move; no, living on our own in a house was not even a whisper on hope’s breath. Each day’s efforts were simply to meet our basic needs so we could meet all of Danny’s as he recovered, and Corbin’s as he grew. It was surviving each moment carried on strength not of our own. Time and shock has dulled the gravity and pain, but not taken the ache of ambiguous loss.
By now, our pre-accident house would have been painted white, with black shutters and the roof would have had to have been replaced. Danny would have built the new back deck, expanded to the corner of the house and extended a bit more into the yard. The backyard would have been fenced in for the dog and by now a basketball goal erected at the end of the driveway. We’d have finally renovated the 1982 master bath and made sure to put in the double vanity.
We’ve been praying for two years for our post accident house; that she would find us at the right time, that she would take care of her family and that one day, she would become our gift. This house, this one under contract, fell into my inbox the moment it was listed when I wasn’t paying much attention to what seemed an impossibility. It was so fresh in the MLS, she didn’t even have her picture posted. But, she caught my eye.
- Step-less ranch
- 3000 sq. ft.
And, she sits in the same zip code as Corbin’s school. All the bells and whistles were going off, but I shoved hope down low to stoically brace myself should she not be the one. But God seemingly kept nudging us along, winking at us as we took each step forward.
I wanted to be so sure. I wanted more than bells and whistles, I wanted God to stand on the corner with a big arrow shouting,
Buy this one!
Everything felt overwhelmingly perfect until the contractor gave me the ballpark figure to do what we need to do to make her right for us. And, then, instead of an arrow, all I could see was a big question mark. Was God just toying with us? Making all these circumstances seem like they’re from Him, only to make it impossible to attain? Once again, were we going to have to wait for a dream? Stay in a place of discontentment? Wonder where He was in all this life?
But, my God is not a limited god. He is not bound by the physics of His own creation. I cannot sit in the company of a god boxed in by my circumstances or my bank account to redeem my brokenness or my broke-ness. Every single day, I must align myself to the God of the impossible; after all, I am still believing for Danny’s restoration. I never ever want to be accused of hoping too small, trusting too little and losing the wonder of the awesome things God can do if I’ll just get myself out of the way, if I’ll just remove the limits I’ve placed on a limitless God.
Yet, there is a place we had to find; the healthy space between exercising faith and using wisdom. If God was placing us at her door, where His word was spoken, studied and sewn into her space; if God was pointing his arrow, then was He not going to provide all our needs?
We know what changes the house needs in order to accommodate Danny and we know what we want to make it a home. But, we don’t know what it’s all going to cost. Am I to second guess the God who has always taken what little is offered and made it into overflowing? So, we’re hoping big and getting out of our own fears to stand back and watch with wonder at what God can do with the little we have to offer.
May it be so with our renovation. May it be so with our home. May it be so with our very lives.
Please join us in prayer today for our house, for her previous family, for the renovation, the workers, and the contractor. Please pray we will find the materials we love at the right prices. Please pray for us as we prepare for our move, participate in the renovation and live through our already crazy life. And, I am totally serious about throwing a big party when it’s all done and inviting all of you into the messiness of our lives saturated in the grace of God.
If you want to help off set some of the renovation costs, you can click here for instructions or you can contact us directly at email@example.com.
Stay tuned to our Facebook page for updates on our renovation!
Video Disclaimer: Though I say we have the money for the house, I mean that we qualify for the loan. And, when I say that I’m alone, though I feel lonely, our families are always helping as much as they can – as they’ve done for many, many years. We desire to relieve them of coming to our aid as much as possible.