Yesterday marked five months since Danny's accident and it has been 23 weeks ago today. As I reflect on all that has happened during this time, I am overwhelmed by all that God has accomplished. It is astonishing to me when the medical community comments on how much progress Danny has made. For me, it has been both a short and extremely long time to be without Danny. Apparently though, for someone with Danny's type of brain injury, he has come a long way quickly. But, his full recovery can't come fast enough for me.

I miss him terribly. You may be asking 'Well, Danny is still alive. He is right there in front of you! How can you miss him?' True, Danny's body is there. He is just as handsome as ever and he is talking more now, but the real Danny is only there for fleeting moments and then he is replaced with anger, confusion, and frustration. We were warned and prepared that this would happen and that it would be a great indication of Danny's potential in recovery, but no one and no reading material can prepare someone for this. Watching Danny travel the obstacle course in his mind and not being able to help him is incredibly maddening and I long for this period to be over. I just want my husband and the father of our child back wholly restored.

It is not fair. Yes, I know life isn't fair and the Lord doesn't promise us an easy life, but we're way off course of my dreams. I guess the operative word there is 'my.' I know. I know God's will is perfect. His timing is perfect and He will use this for His good and glory. But, you can't tell me that for a brief moment in your humanness you ask 'why?' Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do we have to walk this journey? Why couldn't Danny witness the birth of his child? Why did I have to go through it alone? Why does Danny have to go through this maze? Why do we have to sleep apart? Why can't Danny hold Corbin? Why can't this end faster? Why?

Then, my spirit is checked and I see the Lord in all His glory carrying our family, holding us together as we hold on to one another. I see a stronger husband and wife, a devoted father, and family shining as a beacon to those trapped in darkness. Who knows what the Lord has in store for us? Who knows what we're supposed to do with the lessons we're learning when this chapter is complete? But, we stand on the Word of God that He is faithful to do all He promises.

"For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does." Psalm 33:4

Danny continues to talk a bit more every day, using his voice more often than not. He says the funniest things lately, but they're pretty colorful, so I won't write them here. The human mind is amazing. Danny can recall all the names of the people who stood up for us in our wedding (and there were a bunch of them), but he then tells me that I'm his ex-girlfriend. Sometimes, I think he answers incorrectly on purpose as if to say 'I've already answered that a zillion times and it's a stupid question anyway.' That would be something the Danny I know would do. He even cracks jokes; again, too colorful to share in this forum, but he'll say something and then laugh because he knows it is funny. Laughter truly is the best medicine.

"Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The LORD has done great things for them." Psalm 126:2

Danny is recovering fabulously from his surgery last Friday. He had a period of low blood pressure and has had a fever temporarily, but all of that resolved itself with time. We are very thankful that his health and his mental recovery have not suffered because of the surgery.

Corbin is growing like a weed! He is already 18lbs. and will be four months old this week. Believe it or not, but he is also cutting his first tooth. I wasn't quite ready for that, but I see formula and bottles in his near future.

Being a single mom is hard and definitely not the way I pictured Corbin's first months of his life. Let me clarify; I say 'single' not because I don't consider myself to be married, but single in the sense that I'm Corbin's only participating parent at this point. I pictured family outings and shared diaper duty, but it falls mostly on me because there is the responsibility of taking care of Danny too. Again, I feel like the lone soldier fighting for the two most important men in my life. I fight for the father that Corbin deserves to have and I fight to connect our son to his father. I fight for the husband I long for and I fight to be the wife that he needs.

Right now, my prayer for Danny is that the Lord will take away the confusion and the anger. We know that the Lord is not the author of confusion and I pray that He protects Danny from the lies of Satan. I pray that Danny would have clarity of thought and courage to press on toward the goal that is laid out before him. Danny still has difficulty swallowing, so keep that in your prayers. We have follow up appointments with the doctors this week, so please pray for good reports. I pray many blessings from the Father for you all.

"There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off." Proverbs 23:18