I am humbled and overwhelmed to be used by the Lord. Obviously, by your emails, people have been ministered to and encouraged by our fight for Danny's full recovery. I never imagined that something like this would happen to me, to my family. Although, no one can ever be fully prepared for such an event, I am so thankful that we do know the Lord. I am thankful that if the Lord had taken Danny on August 16th, he would be home with the Father. People from all over the world have heard and been led to pray for Danny and for us. Such a movement can only come from the direction of the Lord. Today, I am truly hopeful and encouraged.

Corbin is four months old today. It is crazy how quickly the time has gone. I struggle with my devotion to Danny and taking care of him, and soaking up time with my son. What if Danny and I don't have any more children? I don't want to miss anything with Corbin, but I don't want to neglect Danny either. It is such a tender balance and ugly guilt creeps in at times. I feel like I shouldn't be away from Danny unless I'm working, especially now that he is much more aware. Is it terrible that sometimes I just want to do what I want to do? I'd like to just go to the mall and walk around without a time limit or see a couple of movies; you know, do something normal. And, I'm sure you're sitting there saying, 'Go. You should. Don't feel guilty. Danny would want you to go.' But, then again, we're not too far down the road when Danny wasn't communicating or even aware. I don't want to miss an opportunity to hear his voice, see his smile or feel his touch (even if it is a big pinch). I suppose I shouldn't fall into this trap. I still have to live, right?

Yesterday marked a large milestone in my book. Danny visited the surgeon and his primary care physician with very positive reports. The surgeon basically said that it was nice to meet us and have good life. Dr. Dunlevie, the PCP, said that he didn't need to see Danny for another few months. Yes, you read that right; three months! Danny is healthy! He ordered a barium swallow test for Danny and we're waiting to hear from the speech pathologist to schedule it. The sooner we can get Danny eating, the sooner we can have the feeding tube removed and then we're closer to Danny becoming independent. Please pray for Danny's swallow reflex; that each part of his body would begin to function together as the Creator ordered.

I am reminded of the story of the synagogue leader Jairus whose only daughter was sick and dying. When Jesus arrived at Jairus' house, the daughter had died, but Christ said she was not dead, but merely sleeping. The mourners laughed at him and he kicked them out of the house. When Jesus delivered her from death, he instructed her parents to feed her. Is this a symbol of her healing, that she could eat? Let's get Danny eating!

"But he took her by the hand and said, "My child, get up!" Her spirit returned, and at once she stood up. Then Jesus told them to give her something to eat." Luke 8:54-55

It wasn't just Danny's good reports that marked such a blessed day yesterday. Danny also seemed to be thinking more clearly, talking more and the Lord gave me two important moments. The first makes me so incredibly happy. All day yesterday, Danny knew I was his wife. I wasn't an ex-girlfriend, his aunt, his sister or his fiancé. I am his wife and he knew it all day long. Secondly, Danny did something he had never done before. He looked at Corbin who was in my arms and said 'I love you.' Danny wasn't prompted to say it; he just did. Danny spoke further explaining that he loved Corbin so much already and that he knew Corbin loved him. I'm sure the tears streaming down my face and my smile from ear to ear still didn't express how excited and touched I was.

Danny still gets confused and says things that don't make sense. He has this obsession with the word 'vacuum' that I don't quite understand. However, Danny is speaking much more clearly, loudly and more often. Although, all the words don't always fit, it is good to hear his voice. He is initiating conversations and expressing his wants. Physically, Danny had a great session with the therapists yesterday. He was able to wiggle both feet and move his left arm and fingers. These are marked improvements and we continue to encourage him that if he does it once, he can do it always. He has the ability.

Danny has expressed many emotions and now that he is more aware of his condition, I pray that his spirit rests in the peace of the Lord. He has expressed embarrassment, believes himself to be pitiful and pathetic; those are his words, not mine. He says he won't be able to walk again or provide for our family; again, his words. Please pray that Danny is able to see his progression and realize how far he truly has come. When he expresses these negative emotions, we try to encourage him by saying 'I am blessed' and 'I am healed.' He repeats these phrases and I believe the Lord will fulfill them, for Danny's mouth is full of praise. The Word says that the Lord inhabits the praises of His people. If Danny speaks words of praise, then that is where the Lord resides.

Oh! I almost forgot an important bit of information! Because Danny has progressed so far lately, his neurologist at Shepherd Center wants to see him for possible readmission to the ABI Unit for their full rehab program. This is good news! We have an appointment next Friday, January 27th. According to the Rancho Los Amigos Coma Scale (silly name, isn't it?), Danny is showing signs of Levels 4 and 5. Feel free to Google the Scale to see what each level means. Please pray that the Lord gives us the wisdom to know the appropriate time to enroll Danny in the Shepherd program again. The rehab program has a time limit again and we want Danny to gain the most while there.

Lastly, today, I have a special prayer request for me. I was always so focused on Danny's recovery that I didn't ponder how it was going to affect our relationship. Now that I have the confidence that he is going to be fine, I am concerned for us as husband and wife. How do we transition from caretaker and patient back to husband and wife? Will Danny always look at me and see a reminder of his darker days? Will he be so different that we won't be compatible anymore? I have loved Danny for as long as I can remember both as friend and husband. Obviously, our relationship right now is different. While I am his wife and he my husband, that is not the relationship we nurture right now. Again, how do we return to our marriage? I pray that Danny will stand as the provider for our family, the spiritual leader and all that God calls a husband to be for his family. I want that for him, for me and for our son. I want Danny to love me like never before and to enjoy life with the peace of the Lord, the love of the Lord in his heart. Is it selfish to ask the Lord for that after He has already done so much for us?

"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

I'm not sure how we're supposed to 'delight' ourselves, but I know the Lord knows the desires of my heart. I'm so glad that the Spirit prays and intercedes for us because I can not always express to the Lord what I petition or the extent of my gratitude. I hold on to the hope that the Lord will continue to bless us and use us for His Kingdom. Isn't that our purpose in this life anyway?

Your words and prayers mean so much. I am touched by the outpouring of the community and those of you touched by our story. Again, I could never thank each of you enough for what you contribute to this journey. I know you walk with us every step of the way. I know that the Lord hears your prayers. I am blessed.

God bless you all, Allison