Wow! Another month has passed since I last wrote which seems so weird. I just finished rereading the last update and it feels like just yesterday that I wrote those words.
Yesterday, we visited Dr. Kaelin for a three month follow up appointment. Can you believe Danny has been out of Shepherd that long already? Anyway, I just love Dr. Kaelin! He is a great doctor and a great man. We spoke with him about Danny’s depression and he was so encouraging to Danny; well, I was encouraged. He talked to him about how much he has to get better and that Corbin only needs Danny’s love and attention. He told Danny that he is a better man for enduring all that he has and pressing through it. Anyway, I am hoping that something he said struck a cord with Danny.
Overall, Dr. Kaelin was ecstatic with Danny’s progress; kicking his left leg up, ability to pull himself forward and the gained muscle tone throughout his body. He did caution Danny that he needs to watch his diet closely so as not to gain anymore weight. Dr. Kaelin is going to be communicating with Dr. James, the neuropsychologist, about treating Danny’s depression. We return to see Dr. James next Friday and we’ll see Dr. Kaelin again in September.
Let’s see….what else has happened since last month?
Oh, Danny celebrated a birthday! July 15th! We had all the family and a few close friends over to swim and eat. However, Mother Nature prevailed and rained on the party, so we moved it indoors and just got cozy with one another. It was a good day though. Everyone seemed to have fun, but most importantly, Danny did. I was saddened though the next day when he didn’t remember the party. Oh, well! At least he remembers the present I got him – a laptop! Thanks to everyone’s help I was able to get us a computer. Not only will it serve me in keeping track of all that I need to, Danny can use the computer on his own which is great therapy for him; hand-eye coordination, problem solving, organizing steps, etc. So far, he has really enjoyed it and I’m glad that it’s something he can control.
Control. Yes, Danny feels completely out of control which is understandable since the majority of his decisions are made for him. I hate that it has to be that way and we make every effort to give him options when appropriate; do you want to wear shorts or jeans? Danny was always in control. He always knew the best way to get somewhere or the best way to do something. Now, he gets so frustrated because he knows that he should remember something or know how to do something, but he can’t and he doesn’t. For example, he remembered someone that we went to high school with by what kind of car they drove; however, he didn’t remember where we ate lunch. The good news is that he can identify that that is a problem, but the bad news is that it may not ever be better. Another example, Danny always knew how to get somewhere. He would drive somewhere once and never need directions there again. He knew all the bad roads and of course, always drove because he knew his way around. Now, he asks me all the time what road we’re on. Again, he can identify that he should remember, but he doesn’t. I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be not to be able to remember what came so easy to him.
Reading back on past updates and reflecting over the past almost year, I know we’ve come so far, yet I still want for more. I see other patients at Shepherd and you can’t help but compare them to Danny. Some of them are much better and some much worse. I am thankful for how far Danny has progressed, but I honestly have a fear lurking in the back of my mind that this is it; as good as it gets. Then, I have to look myself in the mirror and ask myself if I can do this forever. Can I go without so many things that I’d dreamed? Can I effectively explain to Corbin why his daddy does and says things that are inappropriate at times? Will Corbin be able to know what a truly great man his father is? Again, honestly, I don’t know the answer to those questions. I can only put my trust, my hope, my all at the feet of the Lord and say whatever is His Will be mine. If this is “it,” I petition the Lord to continue giving me His strength for each day.
In the last update, I thanked those that help me with Danny and Corbin; however, I forgot someone that is there everyday with us. Javier, I do not know what we would do without you. You take such care with Danny and that means the world to me. You are truly a good man and we are blessed to have you as part of our lives.
I’ll keep you updated on a situation that is still developing, but when you think about it, please send extra prayers up for our whole family.
There is more that I could write, but I hit an emotional wall. So, no well rounded ending to this update, just see you next time and keep the emails coming. They help.
Allison “wanting to sleep for days” Diaz