I was wrecked. Again. I know you’re surprised.
We were set on the rhythm of rush; a typical Sunday morning. I got Corbin settled into his Sunday School class and then entered the near dark auditorium looking for Danny. I helped him transfer into the movie-theater like seat and parked his wheelchair off to the side. I think the worship team was singing a Christmas song; I was still rushing.
I settled into my seat and took several deep breaths. I was wrecked and needed a word. I needed the Word.
Tis the season to talk about Christ’s birth, so it wasn’t a surprise to open our Bibles to Luke 1:26-38.
Pastor Alan ask for a show of hands,
Who is ready for a Big Event in their life?
Danny and I raised our hands eager for the Big Event; Danny’s healing, total restoration. It quickly became very clear that we should have kept our hands in our laps; we’d already experienced our Big Event.
I cried the whole way through the service, balling up my single tissue attempting to find one bit of a dry spot to soak up more tears. When we took Communion, I struggled to accept the cup. Like Christ in the Garden, I found myself face first on the altar asking for a different way, a different cup.
God’s Big Events come in unlikely, humbling ways. His Big Events include a young, poor Mary from nowhere. From Mary, Mary full of grace, the gospel would be spread. Her How is an allowable, healthy doubt while she actively exercised her faith.
I knew God was holding a mirror in front of me and I still fought it. There must be another way! I don’t want this for my husband and for my family. I don’t know how to answer the questions in my own mind, much less the questions my precious son asks me about his daddy and how he used to be.
I don’t want it. I don’t want our Big Event.
I just want the redemption of it.
It hurts. It’s hard and relentless in its beatings.
Luke writes that Mary told the angel,
I am the Lord’s servant. May your word to me be fulfilled.
I wonder if she too, ever asked for a different cup. Did she ever look at young Jesus and tell God she wasn’t sure she could do it? Did she ever hold that baby in her arms and wish his ultimate sacrifice away? Plead with the Almighty to find another way to save mankind?
As much as I wrestle with the calling to use our unlikely, terribly humbling, heaps of grace required Big Event to spread the gospel and exercise my faith despite my understandable doubt, I know it’s what I’m supposed to do. God created me, created us for this-whatever this is. I don’t know what it’s supposed to look like in the end of our earthly lives, but I know what it will look like in heaven with the One who redeems.
Redeeming our 80FT is no easy task. It’s one I try to do too much on my own and should make more of an effort to be still and let God do. Everyone of us has our own 80FT. I know there are others who have it much worse than we do. It’s those healthy comparisons that turn the tides from hopelessness into hopefulness; that turn our perspectives from dark places into light, from focusing on what we lack to what do we have, to what we have left to do into what we can just be.
Friends, it’s been an incredibly hard year, but an awesome year of firsts and obvious God-winks. And you’ve been here with us; some of you for years, watching, waiting and praying along with us. We thank you and the encouragement you give is immeasurable.
Going into the New Year, we have some gaps we need to fill and some mighty ways we need God to show up in this 80FT.:
- Funds for Danny’s physical therapy and personal training sessions;
- Danny and I both need new tires on our cars;
- We need to sell Danny’s motorcycle to help pay off some debt – it’s beautiful!
- We are looking for a new caregiver for Danny;
- 2015 is Danny’s 40th birthday and the 10th anniversary of 80FT; I’d like to take a nice vacation together, but I just don’t know where to go! Any wheelchair friendly and cost effective ideas?
- We also have a couple of personal prayer requests.
As you consider year end giving, we request that you prayerfully consider contributing to the redemption of our Big Event, our 80FT. You can click over to the In On 10 page for different options.
Your giving to the 10 on 10 campaign allowed us to cover most of Danny’s out of pocket expenses for physical therapy and personal training this year. We are eternally grateful that you help us take captive our 80FT and redeem them through sharing our story for the glory of God.
It’s the end of year when we as Believers celebrate the Big Event of Christ’s birth. The Big Event that brings redemption to the world.