It’s a word that means something different to everyone.
The phrase Corbin used to describe Danny.
It’s happened. He knows. He recognizes.
I’d hoped we would never have to deal with this, but it’s here.
It’s happening. And, we have no idea what it’s doing to him.
The thing is, what made Danny different in Corbin’s eyes was that “all he does is work on the computer and take the dog out.”
It had nothing to do with walking.
I tried hard to make it silly.
I told Corbin that I work on a computer and take the dog out.
I told him that he plays games on the computer and takes the dog out.
“I guess none of us are normal,” I said while crossing my eyes and making a funny face.
I’m not sure he bought it.
But, after a good Corbin sandwich hug and tickle attack, we were all laughing.
However, I couldn’t help but notice how it hurt Danny’s feelings to hear his son say he’s not normal.
I really think though, that Corbin meant that Danny doesn’t pay attention to him….all he does is sit on the computer and take the dog out.
Danny and I talked about it later and he could see the same thing. Danny needs to take more initiative in activities he can do with Corbin.
But, it still hurts. I wish I could rewind the words, but I can’t.
“Not normal,” is all Danny’s been telling himself all these last six years. It just solidified how Danny feels about himself, but to hear it from your six year old; it’s crushing.
Danny never wanted to be bound to that wheelchair. His dreams of fatherhood looked very different from the reality we’re in now.
And, it seems that Corbin now recognizes the difference between his dad and his friend’s dads.
We’ve had two phone calls from the school about behavior situations.
Is this indicative with what Corbin experiences at home? Is he feeling frustrated or confused and doesn’t know what to do with those feelings?
Or, is this a typical six year old boy pushing boundaries? Learning what’s right and what’s wrong?
We don’t’ know.
How do we know?
God give us wisdom.
On Sunday, I got to have a date with Corbin. We did whatever he wanted; saw a matinee, walked through Toys R Us and had some frozen yogurt at Pinkberry.
As we sat there eating our yogurt, I asked Corbin how he felt about Daddy not being able to walk.
He said it made him sad.
I told him it makes me sad too.
I’m hoping Corbin won’t close off and he’ll learn that we can talk about anything; that he’ll realize that no one is anyone else’s definition of normal.