I have started a new blog post exactly 294 times and each time, I close it without saving.
They all sound so depressing. Down and out. Frustrated. Overwhelmed. Tired.
And, it sounds like the same story I write all the time.
Why is that?
Why is it that I really feel like writing when the negative emotions overwhelm me?
Honestly, those seem to resonate with the three of you who actually read this stuff-the posts where my ugly, sad heart is exposed like a book of pages you read.
There are many things that roll around in my head to share; some about Danny’s recovery and some about me, just me.
I want people to read about our journey and be encouraged; however, I also want to be real.
The faithful Allison and the raw humanity Allison are at odds. I waver and I wrestle. I believe and don’t at the same time.
I am the boy’s father in Mark 9:24, “Immediately the boy’s father cried out and said, “I do believe; help my unbelief.”
Based purely on my faith in and knowledge of God, I know that total restoration is possible.
In the natural realm, I know it is not.
Brain injuries suck. They suck on varying degrees based on the individual and no physician will hold all the answers we seek; each injury as unique as a snowflake, recovery as unpredictable as a tornadoes’ path.
I can’t come here each post and write something encouraging, something positive, something super spiritual.
You would see straight through me.
No, I’d rather be raw and real and as transparent as possible, while still respecting my husband.
I’d rather be free to be me-scars, tired eyes, sore feet, bruised and broken, but never beaten.
It may not be pretty, but it’s us. Take us or leave us, just as we are.
And, I’ll do the same for you; all three of you.