There have been mornings lately that I feel an overwhelming impression of gratitude. It’s pressed on me and my body knows nothing to do, but react with tears.
My chest compresses and tears flow down my face. I may even do an ugly cry, but don’t tell.
I’m not sure if it’s the Christmas music I’m listening to or what great improvements Danny is making, the greater understanding of the magnitude of Christ’s birth or the fact that my son can recite Luke 2:6-14, from memory.
I believe it’s a combination of them all.
I’ve been told that as Mary pondered these things in her heart, I tend to do the same. There are many differences between me and Mary, but I’m pretty sure she didn’t put her heart on the internet.
Anyway, I see something, I feel something, I haven’t felt it this strongly in a long time and it makes me nervous….hope. Real hope. Pressed down and yet overflowing hope.
I don’t want to acknowledge it. What if it doesn’t happen? What if it really isn’t getting better? What if? What if? What if?
I’m at a place that only the Lord can make this path. Only the God in heaven can make these crooked ways straight. I’m terrified and nauseas and rooting around to find comfort and peace and rest in Him.
Audrey, our dog, does the funniest thing with Corbin’s bean bag chair. She will dig into that bean bag chair, moving it all around the house, then step onto it, walk around on it, until she finds the most comfortable position.
Like Audrey, I take these obstacles life throws us, dig into them, move them around and position them before God until I’m more comfortable with them. Until I can rest in Him, knowing He is sitting on His big bean bag chair of a throne.
It’s hard. I have no idea how or what He’s going to do. But, I know He will.
I know He will make my bean bag chair of a life peaceful, hopeful and perhaps even better than ever. Sure I may find some lumps and we’ll have to work together to smooth them out, but I am grateful He is always there. He’s dependable though I may not see it.
Danny is improving.
I know I haven’t written about him in awhile. I’m not sure why. Perhaps because everything I wrote started to sound repetitive.
Danny had a goal. Walk with the walker around the house by the end of the year.
Danny had a record. One minute, thirty-seven seconds walking the length of a basketball court with the walker, unassisted.
He beat that time; bringing it down to one minute, twelve seconds.
The next week, he beat it again; one minute, three seconds.
He’s walking with the walker unassisted from the gym level at Shepherd, getting on the elevator and walking to the cafeteria, sitting in a regular chair and then walking all the way back to the gym.
Did I mention no one has to touch him? Someone is there for safety, but he does it all by himself.
I hadn’t been with him to therapy since July. How dare a job get in the way!
There is a video on our Facebook page of Danny walking. I am amazed. Check out his swagger.
Perhaps, our bean bag of life is getting a bit smoother. I hope so.
God bless you all and Merry Christmas!
Here’s to BIG things in 2012!